February 6, 2010

The Ex-Neighbors

"I just wanted to take this opportunity to let you know that we live below you and are constantly listening to the sound of you walking across the floor (our ceiling) with your shoes on. Sometimes we tap on the ceiling to let you know that we are going crazy but this action has somehow failed to get you to stop wearing your shoes in your apartment. That is why I am asking you once again to please think about the people below you and take your shoes off when you come home at night. By taking your shoes off you not only help your neighbors to experience the joy of silence but you also keep your apt. floors clear of human and dog crap and piss that you pick up on the streets. Thanks in advance for your kind and considerate response."

-The people below you.

My roommate and I found this printed letter taped to our apt. door. We actually tried to wear our shoes less in the apt. A few months later (in the middle of the day), I ran into the apt. to take out the trash (with my shoes on) - our neighbors proceeded to bang the floor/ceiling and yell, "Take your fucking shoes off!" I proceeded to stomp all over the apt. in my boots. Needless to say, they no longer live below us. We have yet to hear a peep from our new neighbors.

December 1, 2009

Adding Insult to Injury

Cross-Stitch 10:
J.B. first received this text from her ex.

Cross-Stitch 11:
Her ex then sent her the following text. I am not really sure what it means, but it definitely sounds mean and hateful.

November 30, 2009

Cross-Stitch 9: Sour Grapes

This entry was submitted by K.A. She received this text from an ex-admirer. Ex-admirers totally count!

January 31, 2009

Cross-Stitch 7: Ouch.

A friend of a friend received this text from a f**k buddy. Why do f**k buddies always pull this s**t?

Cross-Stitch 6: Frenemies

Translation: I hate her more than I like you.
I apologize for the weird cross-stitch font.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.

This message was sent to my friend B. She basically got caught in the cross-fire when two of her friends decided to declare war on one another. She tried to remain friends with both combatants, but this was not to be. One of them replied with this harsh statement when explaining why she no longer wanted B. in her life. Girls can be so mean....

B. told me over dinner that this frenemy had found her years later on Facebook and had requested that B. add her as a friend. B. has yet to respond.

December 14, 2008

Text Message Break-Up

My lovely friends C&S showed me this video on You Tube over the weekend. I know it is probably old news, but it is just too hilarious and perfect for this site.

November 18, 2008

Cross-Stitch 5: Thanks For The Advice

Cross-Stitch 4: Who Cares?

My friend B. received this text from an ex-boyfriend. I think he needs to get over himself.

January 4, 2008

You were raised by a**holes

My sweet friend D. actually received an e-mail with this title after breaking up with a crazy girl. The title was in reference to an earlier e-mail he had replied to with the title "You were raised by..." He knew it was the end when she told him that she wanted her future husband to be a "spiritual leader". He wants it to be known that they only dated for a short while and they never did "the nasty".

Here is the e-mail she sent him:
i was cleaning out old e-mails and i stumbled across this. i guess maybe this was your way of dropping a hint, but i was too oblivious to realize. when i read this, i was so touched and so happy to have met such a sensitive and insightful person. i thought we really connected on a deeper level. it makes me so sad and angry to think that you can't even understand me when i say something like "i feel for you feelings that i have never felt for any other guy." i have never been in love before and i idiotically thought that maybe i could fall for you, but it's quite obvious that you did not feel the same way.

thusfar, my emotions have progressed as follows: surprise > anger > betrayal > embarassment > and finally relief.

honest to goodness, i wish i was so much angrier than i am so that i could curse you out to your face and give you a good slap. that's not to say that i don't think that you're a f**king bastard for the way that you brought this all up. i have never cursed at anyone in any past relationship, so that should show the severity of dislike i have for your actions. i am sure you recall my bringing up an issue early on about how i wasn't sure if i could continue to date you because you didn't fit my ideal of a christ-centered guy. well what prevented you from saying anything about how you were feeling then? it was so uncomfortable for me to bring what i did up, but i felt that i owed it to you to let you know right from the start any doubts that were running through my mind. i guess you didn't have the courtesy or respect for me to do the same. your cowardice and selfishness truly disgusts me.

i feel betrayed in the sense that i gave you the benefit of the doubt because i was responding to your reaction at that time, which seemed like this earnest desire to get to know me when in reality you knew all along that you couldn't handle a serious relationship. for someone who thought that, don't you think you were putting it on a bit thick with your actions? volunteering to pick me up from clinic on fridays, volunteering to drive into the city and go to dinner and watch movies. you totally played me. and then there was the whole being physical thing. "when i get physical, i usually get emotionally attached as well." i trusted you. i guess this is my fault more than anyone else. i feel so foolish for buying into your crap.

however, underneath all the anger and hurt i do feel that a great burden has been lifted from me. when i woke up this morning, i actually felt i had a much more spritely step as i walked to work. i was standing a bit taller. perhaps intuitively, i think i knew all along that you did not reciprocate my feelings which is why i worried a great deal about how you felt about me. i'm not perfect d., but i do know that i need a guy who will appreciate all of me, flaws and all. i don't know what you felt that my expectations of you were really. more than anything i just wanted companionship and laughter which i found with you. i really hate you for making me feel that i did something wrong.

well i guess that's all that i have to say then. i'll send your ID back via snail mail. you can give it to some other girl and say that you're her biggest fan.

good luck with step 2 and residency interviews. i hope you achieve your goal of being the perfect doctor and make your parents proud. sorry to have wasted so much of your time.

October 25, 2007

Is that really why you are breaking up with me?

This post was provided by my lovely friend N. This is her second post to this site. So her awful boyfriend broke up with her via e-mail! Not only that, he broke up with her while she was sick, in the hospital, and in a foreign country! To add insult to injury, he provided only the lamest excuses for the demise of their relationship. Here is an excerpt:

For example, for me the moral importance of social activism is a very core value, but one I sense you don't share. I'm also very dedicated to topics like the mathematical study of culture, which I sense you view with some weariness.

Is he for real?
Rule #2: Never date an analytic philosopher.

October 19, 2007

The perils of match.com

This post was sent to me by my fabulous friend/gawker.com enthusiast J. Click here for the scoop. Not sure if he counts as an ex, but he sure is an entitled a**hole.

September 26, 2007


The text: Hey beautiful, I'm just talking to my kids, the back door's open.
The sender: Shane Warne (famous cricket player/adulterer)
The intended recipient: His girlfriend
The actual recipient: His ex-wife (they were trying to reconcile)
The response: You loser, you sent the message to the wrong person.

Click here for the full story.

August 21, 2007

Cross-Stitch 3: It Still Sucks

This post is in honor of my wonderful friend K. Her ex actually said this to her! K. did the wise thing and promptly broke up with her.

August 15, 2007

Famous People Make Sh**ty Exes Too....

Bears Pro Bowl linebacker Brian Urlacher is alleged to have sent some CRAZY text messages to his baby's stripper momma.

My personal favorites: "Fyi: f**k you" and "Grow the f**k up and quit praying and get a job." Check out the full story here.

August 7, 2007

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

This text comes from my gorgeous friend N. Upon telling her white high school boyfriend that she was into another guy she received the following message:

I don't understand why you always fall for these ugly, white troll boys.

August 1, 2007

Say It With A Post-It

Never have angry sex after a big long fight, 'cause this is what you might find when you get up in the morning...

This post is in honor of my fabulous friend L. It's his birthday today! He told me about the post-it over dinner last week and I tried to faithfully reproduce it. The original post-it is long gone. Can you believe that this was the last communication he ever had with his ex?!?!

July 29, 2007

Cross-Stitch 2: Psychobabble

Rule #1: Never date a psychiatrist.

Cross-Stitch 1: Short and Sweet

The message that started it all ... Needless to say, I am no longer on speaking terms with this person.